Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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