You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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