Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
