Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
