is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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