Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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