My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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