my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
