dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
