Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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