pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
