OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
