The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't give away my fajitas
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