Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
