It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
