Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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