I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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