i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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