Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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