she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
