you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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