It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
