yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this just has baby written all over it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
