I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
