Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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