I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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