Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
