There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
