why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
