he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize