i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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