i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
