his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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