I hate all girls vehemently.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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