I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
