so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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