Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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