i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
