I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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