Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
