I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
