my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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