At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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