The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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