Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
