Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your cock deserves a montage
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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