you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
