i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
