...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
