were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The struggles of a small town man whore
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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