WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
