it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
farters have to be the big spoon...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
