does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I understand Curling. That high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
