Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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