You're my little dorito
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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