so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
