Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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