the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
