They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize