Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
