Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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