what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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