and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
