I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize