OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
