she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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