well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
