So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
