i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want her autograph on my taint
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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