We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
