i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
