oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
