yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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