Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
