pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
