god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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