Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
