wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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