I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
