barbara walters just said penis...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
