It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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