Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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