I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
