I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
