And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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