I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
