Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
