I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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