problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
