just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
