Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
