I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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