I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize