Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dick very happy bro
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
