The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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