Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
