fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
