I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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