Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize