Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
