"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
