he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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