Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
