Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could teleport
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
