just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
