Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
