My entire life is one complicated drinking game
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
