I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
