Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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