I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
