The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
